a little bit of fiction, poetry, artwork, and life in general


"Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass... it is about learning to dance in the rain" (unknown)

"Without Darkness, there would be no Light" (unknown)

Monday, October 31, 2011

Costume Day at the Office

This is what my make-up looks like today LOL I've got compliments, but I've also gotten laughs....

Don't know what it will look like by the time the luncheon rolls around... and I have one dandy of a headache right now... not good :(


I got second place... Yay!  A Walmart Gift Card... amount unknown; they didn't write the amount on the card, so I won't know until I go to Walmart.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Samhain/Halloween is Here!

It was a beautiful Autumn day today, the temp was perfect and the sky was clear and sunny. As I was leaving the house to run errands I got some pics of our resident feral cats... one on the roof, and two under the tree; they are completely feral and run if you get too close, darn it. I love cats. So we have our two house cats, and those outside that live under the house, as well as the neighborhood cats that sometimes visit.

So apart from admiring the cats, I did some grocery shopping, got my black lights out of my Mom's garage where they were stored, came home and tested them; one works great, but the other not so much :(   Carved two out of three of the pumpkins... I pooped out after the first two. I baked the pumpkin seeds, made Orange Chicken and Rice for dinner, currently doing laundry,  and I did a practice run with my make-up so I kind of know what I'm doing in the morning LOL



 I found a sprout inside one of the pumpkins.

Pumpkin seeds for baking!

 Scary faced jack-o-lantern

You can't see it very well, but this is a cat faced jack-o-lantern.
I'm no pumpkin carving artist LOL I wish I had the proper tools to carve intricate jack-o-lanterns... that might help!

Yummy baked pumpkin seeds!

So... the zombie make up with tissue paper, eyelash glue. I'm not real happy with the tissue paper thing or the eyelash glue, and that make up you by at the drug store... yeah, it sucks; it's way too greasy so I can't use that. I ended up using baby powder and black and green eye shadow. My lines around my mouth are a little too heavy; I will try to do better tomorrow. Ok, without further ado... the result!

Saturday, October 29, 2011

2 More Days till Halloween/Samhain!

I went shopping and got pumpkins for pumpkin seeds and jack-o-lanterns, some fake blood and make-up, and some more candy for the trick-or-treaters if we have any, a flannel shirt, and some hair goop. I hate product in my hair but I want my hair to hold the messy look for the office costume party Monday. We were informed on our Friday afternoon that we are having a costume contest and a luncheon at work, and EVERYONE has to dress up.

I wasn't planning on dressing up because my budget has been so darn tight, but since we HAVE to dress up and participate in the contest (sigh) my plans have changed. So I had to come up with something fairly cheap... I decided on a zombie (face and hair only). I checked out tutorials on youtube and found some really awesome ones for zombie make-up, and they look fairly easy. I guess the real test will be Monday morning LOL  ... I have to get up extra early to be ready for work on time, bleck!

So anyways, in this tutorial she uses tissue paper, eyelash glue, and fake blood to create the open wounds. I would have never ever thought of tissue paper!  It looks pretty good when they finished; hopefully it will work as good for me.

You think this will gross anybody out at the luncheon?  LOL  Oh well, if they say I'm too gross to stay for the lunch, I can have one of my co-workers get me a to-go container and bring it to me later. I for one do not have a weak stomach; I find really good scary effects to be C O O L including blood and gore.

I will try to get a pic of me to post later :)   Usually these contests are usually more of a popularity contest; people are pretty clickish where I work and I have never been one for clicks, oh well...

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Thursday Morning's Cards

I woke up early this morning... freezing LOL and ready to start my day, which is a rarity for me because I am more of a night person, with insomnia and mornings and I just don't agree LOL. So being as I had some extra time  this A.M. I decided to pull some cards before heading to work. I pulled one card from my Healing with Angels deck, and one card from my Goddess Inspiration Oracle deck.

From the angel deck I drew the card New Beginnings (self explanatory); from the goddess deck I drew Anuket the Egyptian Godess of Prosperity, Fertility and Water... mainly the Nile. Her name translates to "the embracer"; her other titles include Giver of Life, Lady of Life, Nourisher of the Fields, and Mother of the King. Her other associations includes things that move quickly such as arrows and the gazelle; she is actually depicted either as a gazelle or a woman with the head of a gazelle, also sometimes with a crown of ostrich feathers.

Anuket's card says:
"Your life will overflow with blessings."

By drawing these two cards it is being indicated that things are changing; something that will change my circumstances, leading to a new beginning... and it will bring blessings into my life.

When I get a card like New Beginnings it makes me nervous... and The Tower automatically comes to mind. The idea of some thing/event entering my life and causing change makes me cringe. Change can often be disturbing, but ultimately, although it could be disruptive and emotional, it is for a higher purpose... it just scares the sh!t out of me because I fear what it could mean. I have a real bad habit of stressing over my future; I KNOW it does me no good to do so... which reminds me of a quote:

"Stressing about tomorrow does not empty tomorrow of its troubles; 
Stress empties today of its Strength"

Unfortunately, my inner dark voice is a bit of a worrier, and it brings on this instant reaction, which requires me to call on my favorite weapon in these circumstances: Positive Affirmations.... they aide in defending myself against those ugly thoughts that sneak up whispering negativity and stirring up turmoil. 


Let the Positive Affirmations commence!

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

When Things Get Rough, Don't You Quit!

When things go wrong as they sometimes will;
When the road you're trudging seems all uphill
When the funds are low, and the debts are high
And you want to smile, but have to sigh;
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but do not quit.

Success is failure turned inside out;
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt;
And you can never tell how close you are
It may be near when it seems so far;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-
It's when things go wrong that you must not quit.
~Author Unknown~

Life is seldom ever easy, and should you happen to be going through a smooth spell, look out… it’s often the quiet before the storm LOL. It seems like these little mild and quiet peaceful times are our times of rest before all hell breaks loose… a reprieve so we can rest from our struggles a bit before we experience another growth spurt.

Growth spurt? Yes… those hurdles placed in our paths, those mountains we must sometimes climb… the struggles in our lives, those are growth spurts, and the heartache, stress, fear, frustration… those are our growing pains. Sometimes we all just want to say F*#@K it, but the truth is, we have to keep going because LIFE can’t be put on hold while we catch up; there is no EASY button (however I do have in my possession a bullshit button LMAO I keep it on my desk at work, and when you push it, sirens and alarms sound LOL, a hand me down from my Mom, and although it doesn’t necessarily make things easier, it adds humor to the day!) As much as we sometimes would love to throw in that towel and walk away… well, in the game of REAL life, that is often not an option.

This is doubly difficult for a person who suffers from depression, because man-o-man when the ‘D’ word sets in… well things can get ugly, but the thing is, bills still need to be paid, kids still need to be cared for and loved, pets need your love and attention, you have to keep going to work if you want a paycheck to pay those bills and have food for your family and prescriptions for your health needs… if you are like me, medication is a MUST; if I go without them for too long I end up in the hospital hooked up to an IV and oxygen, then get handed a HUGE bill… I try to avoid that at all costs because I can’t afford another damned bill.

So what choice do we have but too keep plodding along, but that’s okay, because without the storms there would be no rainbows. We have to remember that although we may be experiencing a particularly difficult time in our lives, it is TEMPORARY; it too shall pass, as cliché as that sounds, it is the truth, and do you know what awaits us at the end of our bumpy ride? Strength, growth, wisdom… and peace… and occasionally some pride too, because we didn’t give up; we kept right on plodding along through all the mire and the muck that was weighing us down. We are all survivors, and at the end we can take a deep breath and say “I did it!”

Everything changes; without change there would be no growth, just stagnation, and you know as well as I do that stagnation is not fun either. Change is part of the cycle of life; it comes in different forms, and sometimes we welcome that change, while other times we fight it tooth and nail, and why? We can’t stop it, and if we try, it just drags us along kicking and screaming. Change is inevitable; it’s best if we can just accept it and go with the flow, but I haven’t quite learned to do that yet. I get the poor me’s and wallow in fear for awhile, sometimes spiraling into a depression, before I eventually wake up, put my faith in the Universe and just take one day at a time.

That is my key to survival… ONE DAY AT A TIME, as well as positive affirmations thrown in for reinforcement. Positive affirmations really DO work, but to be perfectly honest, there are times when I just go to bed… on my days off, I just want to sleep as much as I can… that’s the depression, but on my days off that’s what I do, yet somehow I still manage to feed my cats, my son, go grocery shopping, do laundry, and keep a so-so clean house, so that’s a good sign; when all that comes to a screeching halt, then I’m in trouble, but I haven’t been that bad off in years.

So remember, when life gets you down… keep going, there is a purpose for each hurdle in our path and although we may stumble and fall, we WILL get back up; we are survivors; we will endure and when we finally make it over the hill, there is a reward on the other end… embrace it!

Some Witch Humor to Make You Smile

Are you smiling yet?

Halloween... When did it Become Scary?

This morning I read a blog that got me thinking. “Voluptuous Goddess in Training” posted a question regarding Halloween/Samhain:  

When did it become scary and gruesome, 
and why? 

My reply to her post:  
"I absolutely love Halloween/Samhain! I grew up watching spooky movies, from the old back and whites to current... and I enjoy the suspense and the thrills & chills of a good spooky movie (or book). So for me, Halloween has always been fun, and in my adult years fun includes scary, so I have incorporated scary decorations to my Halloween/Samhain. I have no idea at what point in history did it become darker and Horror Movie Characters became popular... in the 80's?... at least that's when I remember seeing more horror-style costumes etc. I think it began happening as the horror movies became more and more popular, which makes sense. Hmm maybe I will do a cross-blog of the subject; you have me thinking! LOL"

After replying to her post, I decided I would do a cross-blog on the subject...

So let's back track... When I was growing up I wanted to be a princess or movie star for Halloween, until I was a teenager... then my costumes included Princess Leia of Star Wars, and face make up like Paul Stanley of KISS; as an adult my fave costume became a Witch; it’s the only time I can dress in full Witch garb and it’s totally accepted LOL, so that’s what I do; however I have been known to occasionally change it up; my past costumes have included a bloody car accident victim, a vampire, a hippy, a Sorceress, a black cat, and a housewife in a robe and slippers, complete with cold cream and rollers in my hair LOL

Most of us know the true history of Halloween, right? Halloween was adopted from the ancient Celts by the Catholic Church but before the Church existed, our ancestors knew it as Samhain (Sowen), a Sabbat to honor our ancestors who came before us, a time to reflect on life’s cycle, and a time to contact the spirit world because on Samhain, the veil between our world and the spirit realm becomes the thinnest, the perfect time to reach out to our loved ones that have passed before us. Samhain was not scary; it was a revered day.

Samhain marks the beginning of the Celtic New Year and is known as the Witch’s New Year; the Earth slowly dies as Autumn temps drop and Winter approaches, the old year has passed, the harvest is gathered up, and the livestock were brought in from the fields. Traditionally Samhain is the day of Novemebr 1st; celebration began on the Eve of October 31st lasting through the following day.

So with that in mind, when did it become S C A R Y?  Around the eighteenth century when the Catholic Church came into being, they decided to use November 1st as All Saints Day to counter act the Pagan day with a Church holiday, as Paganism was considered heresy…  a sin; it became associated with devil worship and of course it was considered as evil. To combat paganism and convert more people to the Church, All Saint’s Day was born and became the festival to honor any saints that did not have a festival of their own; the mass said on that day was called Allhallowmas, a mass for the hallowed (holy); the night before the mass became known as All Hallows Eve. 

All Saint’s Day was followed by All Soul’s Day (November 2nd), a time to pray for the souls in purgatory. This was when trick-or-treating came into being… or thereabouts anyway. So, Halloween/Samhain first became scary when the Catholic Church was born because it was associated with evil spirits and the devil.

Trick-or-treating began on All Soul’s Day when the not so fortunate people would knock on their neighbor’s door begging and were given Soul Cakes, later this practice went from adults begging to children doing the begging; they went to different houses and were given food. When this holiday came to America, the treats became candy in the belief that giving candy would prevent trickery, and costumes were believed a protection against evil spirits... a disguise, so that the spirits and demons would not recognize them.

But where did jack-o-lanterns come from, you ask? Originally they were made from turnips as lanterns, traditionally in Ireland and Scotland, but later when they made their way to America around the early 1800’s, the settlers began using pumpkins as the vegetable lanterns, but these lanterns were not associated with Halloween until 1866, which eventually evolved into the carved jack-o-lanterns we all know and love around the year 1900.

There is an old Irish catholic tale regarding the jack-o-lantern, about a selfish man named Jack and his run in with the devil…

Stingy Jack invited the Devil to have a drink with him. True to his name, Stingy Jack didn't want to pay for his drink, so he convinced the Devil to turn himself into a coin that Jack could use to buy their drinks. Once the Devil did so, Jack decided to keep the money and put it into his pocket next to a silver cross, which prevented the Devil from changing back into his original form. Jack eventually freed the Devil, under the condition that he would not bother Jack for one year and that, should Jack die, he would not claim his soul. The next year, Jack again tricked the Devil into climbing into a tree to pick a piece of fruit. While he was up in the tree, Jack carved a sign of the cross into the tree's bark so that the Devil could not come down until the Devil promised Jack not to bother him for ten more years.
Soon after, Jack died. As the legend goes, God would not allow such an unsavory figure into heaven. The Devil, upset by the trick Jack had played on him and keeping his word not to claim his soul, would not allow Jack into hell. He sent Jack off into the dark night with only a burning coal to light his way. Jack put the coal into a carved-out turnip and has been roaming the Earth with ever since. The Irish began to refer to this ghostly figure as "Jack of the Lantern," which  later evolved into "Jack-O-Lantern.”

So we established when Halloween first began associated with evil spirits and the devil, of course the spookiness of the holiday and the fear associated with it was right around the corner, right? Over the generations with all the preaching of evil and foulness, the fascination with fear and all the wickedness and the spookiness associated with it grew and imaginations ran wild; horror stories and eventually horror films were born and quickly became popular; it was only a matter of time before horror became a prevalent part of Halloween. After all, according to the Church, they are interconnected.

Halloween... When did it become scary, and WHY?  
... Just look at our past, it speaks for its self... 

Loud and Clear.


Monday, October 24, 2011

Tonight's Cards & Sunday's Cards

Tonight's (Monday's) Cards
Tonight Mut dropped out, and I drew Haumea, then with my Ascended Masters deck I drew Epona.

(1) Mut says: "It is time to mother yourself. Healing awaits." As Nut fell out during the shuffle, this card has a special message for me. Mut's name means Mother; she is honored as the Mother of Mothers. The Egyptians believed that Mut gave birth to the Cosmos. She is often depicted with the head of a vulture; according to their beliefs, the vulture bore the ability to reproduce without a male. For any woman that bears wounds from maternal relationships, Mother Mut invites us to find healing within ourselves. She tells us that although we cannot change the past we are able to fulfill any needs that remain unresolved. I have actually been working on healing myself via shadow work and CoDA, so this card goes along with that; it also says don't dwell on my past mistakes, focus on NOW and go forward and heal :)

(2) Haumea says: "You will safely give birth to something powerful." Haumea is a Polynesian Goddess who was accredited for teaching women how to give birth by pushing their babies out through the vulva. Folklore dictates that before they were taught natural childbirth, their babies were cut from their wombs like our modern day C-Section. Another myth claims that the Goddess Pele was born from Haumea's armpit; this indicates the awesome fertility of Haumea, for all life could be born from all of her body parts; she was credited for giving birth to all creatures of the Earth; she is also the Goddess of Vegetation. This card goes nicely with Mut, and says through healing, I will give birth to something amazing.

(3) Epona's card says "Crystals" this card indicates that I would benefit from working with crystals. Epona is the Fairy Queen and knows the value of connecting withe spirit of nature. Anyone that knows me, knows I    L O V E  crystals and stones, with that in mind, this card indicates that I might have a life purpose working with crystals. I'd love to learn how to do that, but workshops are ridiculously expensive! But I do love them, and I collect them... just can't resist LOL. This card indicates that I should use crystals to assist the healing process.

So reading all three cards together, I get:  Don't dwell on the past, focus on NOW;go forward and heal. By nurturing myself, and focusing on healing myself, I will give birth to something amazing, and working with crystals will benefit this process.

C O O L, I like this reading!

Sunday's Cards
All day Sunday I felt icky... very low energy and light headed, just plain bleck! I basically slept all day; I got up just long enough to take my son to work, then went back home and slept until 6 PM, took a shower, went grocery shopping, put them away, watched Netflix until it was time to pick up my son, returned home, watched TV a little more, retired to my bedroom, did a reading with my Goddess Inspiration deck, but didn't feel up to powering up my puter to type it all out last night, so I'm doing it tonight LOL.

While shuffling, two cards fell out together; they were Sarasvati and Spider Woman... both indian deity, although from two separate regions of the World... Sarasvati, Eastern Indian, and Spider Woman, Western Indian, and interestingly enough, both these goddesses are related to teaching and creating.

Sarasvati is the Hindu Goddess of Knowledge; graceful and beautiful, she is held in special esteem by students, writers, and musicians. Her aspects include Wisdom, Education, and Music. She is able to banish all ignorance, and bring education to anyone desiring enlightenment. She is sometimes pictured accompanied by a swan. The swan represents the ability to distinguish actions that are good and sincere from actions that are insincere. She is also depicted as sitting on a lotus which symbolizes absolute truth.

Her card says:
"Enlightenment awaits you. Prepare for it."

Spider Woman is the Native American Goddess of Creation; all creatures are connected through Her woven web. Spider Woman existed before the World; she created the four directions of the universe with her spinning and chanting. Within the sacred space of the universe, she produced her daughters, Ut Set and Nau Ut Set, who by following their Mother's directions, created the Sun, Moon and stars while Mother Spider spun her web and created all of life and formed the mountains, lakes, oceans, deserts, and all the different races of people from colored clays; each human being was connected to her with her last bit of thread from her web. Spider Woman is known as the Creator of Life, the Great Teacher, Protector, and Mother. Her aspects include Connections, Creation, and Diversity. She is the Sacred guardian overseeing the welfare of all those in need.
Her card says:
"Find a way to connect the threads."

Hmm... these cards actually go together very well; together, they are telling me that by connecting the threads I will find enlightenment. But now I'm trying to figure out what this is applying to in my life because at this present time, I am not faced with a puzzling situation and/or a problem needing a solution; things have actually settled down and been pretty quiet lately, so maybe this is something entering my life... something in my near future??? Or maybe it is simply reinforcing something that is passing from my life, telling me "See, I told you everything would be ok!" AND  "If you are patient and persevere, things WILL work out; you WILL find a solution!"  OR, maybe this reading IS the puzzle, because it's sure making me puzzled LOL

Owning Your Personal Power

I recently received a private message from a CoDA Member informing me she recently ended a relationship with her abusive boyfriend, and asking me:
How do I get my power back?”
My answer: 
 For everyone the time frame is different, just stay strong and don't give up... you WILL get your power back, but it won't happen overnight. Do lots of positive affirmations and work on yourself empowerment... read books, meditation & visualization, etc... whatever works best for you. It is important that you recognize your power and your worth and accept them... claim them.

I suggested a positive affirmation:  I AM a strong independent woman. I claim my power NOW” and instructed her to say it out loud in front of a mirror for as many times, days, weeks, months it takes for it to sink in and she believes it.  I also told her to get angry; anger is a natural part of the healing process; it’s ok to get angry. For me, getting angry has been essential to getting my power back, so I recommended it for her, because I honestly think it’s a necessary step in healing.

Then I had some advice regarding the restraining order she filed on the ex-boyfriend: “a restraining order works both ways, you cannot have any contact with him either; if you see him somewhere, avoid him like the plague until you feel stronger and know without a doubt that you can face him and not fall for his crap AND for as long as that restraining order is in place… just walk away. Do not get into a confrontation with him; if he pushes the issue, call the police. You have to be strong and stick to your guns. Don’t give in, don’t feel sorry for him, and don’t give him a chance to work on you.

Her question got me to thinking, and I began questioning my response and wondering if I gave her good advice. If you know me, you know I often second guess myself… that’s just me; I haven’t quite got the hang of not second guessing myself, so I end up finding something that will confirm my first reaction LOL If my best friend was reading this, she would say something like “Now, that’s your problem… stop second guessing yourself! Trust YOUR first instinct! 

“Don’t ask ‘Where do I find that power?’ It’s there – you ‘activate’ it by using it. Have some boundaries, learn to say no, exercise your judgment, trust your own gut, pay attention to red flags, walk away even though it hurts because you’re acting in your own best interests, tell yourself you can and will do better, don’t have sex to find out if someone really ‘wants’ you, encourage yourself even when you’re scared sh*tless, tell yourself you will survive, tell yourself you are strong, believe that if and when he calls or comes a knocking on your door you’ll be ready for him, believe that if you do see him, even if you quake inside, you’ll handle it. Tell yourself whatever you need to, but make it positive, and get on with it.

Power doesn’t come from thinking, or talking for that matter. I know of so many people that suffer with Women Who Talk and Think Too Much, they could probably power the world with their mental energy. Thing is, it’s all a bloody waste if all you ever do is sit around thinking and talking about things to the nth degree. Make a decision! Get up! Of course things are not changing when you’re sitting there hoping that a magical thought or that one tone or phrase that you haven’t hit upon yet will get the other person to finally ‘get it’. You need to ‘get it’.

If you’re waiting for all the answers, that comfort moment, that 100% outcome, you’re in for a long wait.

You have to take a leap of faith in relationships. You have to line up what you know based on recognizing who you are, how you feel, whether you are acting with love, care, trust and respect to yourself, whether you’re getting that from someone else, if you have boundaries, values etc and you have to gauge whether there is enough there to proceed. People who are waiting for all the answers, whether it’s because you’re looking for just one more piece of information to prove he’s an *sshole, or one more piece of information to prove you can take him back, or one more piece of information to determine if you should stay, you’ll always find a reason to ask more questions and to look for more answers because you’re removing your own power by not trusting your judgement, assessing the situation and making a decision. I‘d feel pretty bloody powerless if I was waiting around for something that I didn’t even know what the hell it was.
Minimize your perception of the ‘threat’ so you can increase your perception of your power. You can make something as big or as small as you want to. It’s one thing to have genuine concerns but often, when you’re thinking that you have little or no power, you’re exaggerating the threat.
Imagine yourself as having equal power – because you do. What you think and believe will play out in your actions. If you imagine them as being all powerful and ‘bigger’ than you, then you are automatically cast as weaker and smaller. Remember – if you put people on a pedestal, the only place for them to see you is below them. You’ll assign greater importance to them which includes attaching too much weight to things they say and do and creating an unhealthy balance that’s difficult to recover from.

Power comes from acceptance and rejection of behavior. Using Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl as an example, when he does something and she accepts it, a message is conveyed that the behavior is OK (even if it’s not) and he adjusts his behavior to accommodate that new belief. Continued acceptance will continue to feed the idea that the various things he is doing are OK, but remember, she always had the power to reject the behavior, she just didn’t, and she may think that maybe he wouldn’t be around if she had rejected the behavior, but she’ll never know because she didn’t try, and she thought the reward of accepting the behavior would outweigh the damage, when in fact, the acceptance created a knock on effect.

At any point in time, you can change your behavior (and that of others) by learning what you are comfortable accepting and acting on it.

Understand what you have contributed to the relationship so that you can regain your power. To continue to be blind to your contribution and to continue to believe that your contribution is great or that all the issues are the result of someone else, removes your responsibility and accountability. Don’t continue to be caught up in illusions. Be real about who you are and your relationship because the moment you do, is the moment your power returns and you are in the position to do something about it. 

Resistance creates conflict. Acceptance creates power.
 Many of the problems in relationships inadvertently revolve around resistance – resistance in seeing our own part in things, resistance in accepting the reality, resistance in accepting the person, and resistance to doing things that will create a healthier basis for a relationship because of the fear that it will take us out of our uncomfortable comfort zones.

Nobody wants to feel like they are the focal point of someone’s frustrations and disappointments because they feel powerless and will act resistant towards any change, either directly, or passive aggressively.

You feel powerless because they’re not doing what you want – you place too much stock in the misguided belief that being happy and truly loved is about having the power to change someone and have them make you the exception. Which is actually quite solo orientated and forcing your needs upon someone else. Riding someone’s arse like Zorro about their ‘failings’ and your ‘disappointments’ which become intrinsically linked, is exhausting. Whatever you’ve been doing so far in your hopes of getting them to meet your needs and expectations is not working. Rather than trying to pull a Harry Potter and keep recasting your spell in the hope that eventually the same spell that hasn’t worked a gazillion times will suddenly do it, try something different. If you don’t feel that there is any other way but to repeat the same behavior again and again, you’re setting yourself up to fail and be powerless. If you’re going to stay, change your own behavior – don’t stick with the stay and complain route.
Let things be. Try not to have discussions. Focus on your own life – you can be with someone and still get on with doing things that make you happy.
If he is the only thing that makes you happy or a relationship is the only thing that makes you happy, then you remove your own power to find happiness in yourself and from taking part in life.
No offence to men, but the sun doesn’t rise and set on them. They’re not a vocation. They are not the fountain of happiness itself. That’s just too much power to give away to anyone.

Although this article is about being in a relationship, not ending one or finding your inner strength to stay away from an Ex, I love what it says about personal power, and surprise, surprise, not only does it confirm what I said to my anonymous CoDA friend, but it also speaks to ME. Yep, there is a message in Natalie’s article for me. Did you recognize my message while reading the article? It’s in the third paragraph, and says, you’ll always find a reason to ask more questions and to look for more answers because you’re removing your own power by not trusting your judgment, assessing the situation and making a decision.” Of course I already knew this, as I mentioned it in myself re: second guessing myself LOL

So how does one get her personal power back?  CLAIM it! REINFORCE it with positive affirmations, with affirming thoughts, and with actions!  Which is what I told my CoDA friend… so I was correct in my advice (duh, trust YOUR instincts Keltik! Sheesh!)  AND… I love what the author Natalie says about men, which I have highlighted with purple text, sorry guys, no offense, but this addresses one of my biggest issues, so it is another message to myself, as a codependent.

When I am in a relationship, I tend to focus on making my man happy and putting myself last, taking abuse and allowing him to belittle me… I give up my power and let him make me miserable. Notice my wording there? Let me rephrase that… I GAVE UP my power, and I LET him make me miserable. I TOOK the abuse…. And I did; I accepted his abuse, and blamed myself for not being good enough, for falling short, for not being pretty enough, young enough, smart enough, etc… which of course leads to depression and self hatred, and can lead to some really ugly hurtful behaviors, inevitably ending in my broken heart… but no more!

I refuse to do that anymore! I am better than that; I deserve better than that. I am a good person, and I deserve to be happy; I deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. I deserve love, REAL love.  Taking abuse is not real love. When someone really loves you, they treat you with love in all that they do… not with hate, not disrespect, no hurtful mean words and actions. If you are being treated like that… that is NOT love.

I am happily single for this reason; I have really bad judgment when it comes to men, and I get hurt. In order to protect myself from my bad judgment and any future abuse from a man, I have alienated myself with bitterness and weight gain, which is what led me to CoDA to begin with; I want to change my behavior and thinking to a more positive survival mechanisms, leading to my ultimate goal…  healing.

 I am still working on MY POWER. I have come a long way, and although I have taken my power back, I still have further to go. I’m real good at preaching positive affirmations and healing, but I’m not so good at practicing what I preach… yet I find that  through helping other people, I also help myself; it reinforces the positive things in MY life… it helps to keep driving these things home, you know what I mean? I am not just preaching positive affirmations, visualization, positive thinking, empowerment and healing to other people, I am preaching them to myself at the same time, reinforcing them in myself, and one of these days, this stuff is going to come naturally to me and there will be no more second guessing!

Keltik and Reader, believe in YOURSELF! Trust your instincts!

Office Humor Abbot & Costello Style

LMAO!!!!  I'm sitting here at work having email issues and growling to myself; Microsoft Office Outlook is being a pain in the @ss this morning! It's being very slow and sometimes unresponsive. I'm thinking this is going to be one of those days... on a Monday no less, when I got this funny and had to share it; it just cracked me up! I need a laugh this morning!

You have to be old enough to remember Abbott and Costello, and too old to REALLY understand computers, to fully appreciate this. For those of us who sometimes get flustered by our computers, please read on...

If Bud Abbott and Lou Costello were alive today, their infamous sketch, 'Who's on First?' might have turned out something like this:


ABBOTT: Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

Thanks I'm setting up an office in my den and I'm thinking about buying a computer.


No, the name's Lou.

Your computer?

: I don't own a computer. I want to buy one.


I told you, my name's Lou.

What about Windows?

Why? Will it get stuffy in here?

Do you want a computer with Windows?

I don't know. What will I see when I look at the windows?


Never mind the windows... I need a computer and software.

Software for Windows?

No. On the computer! I need something I can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. What do you have?


Yeah, for my office. Can you recommend anything?

I just did.

You just did what?

Recommend something.

You recommended something?


For my office?


OK, what did you recommend for my office?


Yes, for my office!

I recommend Office with Windows..

I already have an office with windows! OK, let's just say I'm sitting at my computer and I want to type a proposal. What do I need?


What word?

Word in Office.

The only word in office is office.

The Word in Office for Windows.

Which word in office for windows?

The Word you get when you click the blue 'W'.

I'm going to click your blue 'w' if you don't start with some straight answers. What about financial bookkeeping? You have anything I can track my money with?


That's right. What do you have?


I need money to track my money?

It comes bundled with your computer.

What's bundled with my computer?


Money comes with my computer?

Yes. No extra charge.

I get a bundle of money with my computer? How much?

One copy.

Isn't it illegal to copy money?

Microsoft gave us a license to copy Money.

They can give you a license to copy money?

Why not? THEY OWN IT!

(A few days later)

Super Duper computer store. Can I help you?

How do I turn my computer off?

Click on 'START'.............

Wednesday, October 19, 2011

Decorating for Samhain/Halloween... Yay!

The fun has begun! I started decorating for Samhain/Halloween tonight. I'm really please with my bookshelf, and I'm still working on the fireplace, but this is how everything is looking so far...

My bookshelf, doesn't it look awesome?
I've got a collection of potions, eyeballs in a jar, 
bugs in a candy dish, mice in a jar,
skulls, skeleton limbs, and just the 2 jack-o-lanterns.

Here's a close up of the eyeballs, potion, and bugs in a jar.

Here's a close up of the skulls, limbs, and a black jack-o-lantern.

Man Eating Rat
(rubber rat and skeleton limb... looks like he's munching away LOL)

 The bookshelf again... different view

Hand painted pumpkin flower arrangement... made by me :)

This is Spider Corner; it's got misc. spiders and a spooky picture.

The spooky picture

My fireplace so far

A witch hat votiff on the mantle

A jack-o-lantern votiff on the mantle

I apologize if the photos are blurry but I have the shakes and I was using my cell phone LOL I plan on doing spider webs on my porch but I have to keep the outside decorations to a bare minimum due to the neighborhood I'm in... not the greatest, but it's not the worst either. 

I sure hope I have alot of trick-or-treaters this year; we rarely got any in my old neighborhood. We do have more kids around here, but the streets are really dark, so we shall see what happens.