but
I am tired
I rise each day
but
I am tired
I smile
but
I am tired
I try to stay positive
but
I am tired
I am tired of fighting depression
I am tired of fighting the chronic pain
I am tired of fighting negativity
I am tired of fighting anxiety
I am tired of fighting heartache
I am tired of fighting loneliness
I am tired of fighting to be healthy
I am tired of fighting my weight
I am tired of trying to be happy
I am tired of putting on a fake smile
I am tired of fake laughter
I am tired of trying
I am a fighter
but
I
Am
Fucking
Tired
painting by Léon Cogniet (1830)
Fake smiles are never any good. I've heard people say things like, "Fake it until you make it", and I think it's a mistake. Why waste energy on something that isn't real.
ReplyDeleteSometimes, we just need to allow ourselves to be exhausted. And, perhaps, surround ourselves with people who don't expect us to be chirpy if we don't feel that way.
It is all right to be tired. At the moment, I'm quite tired of chemo. One more infusion, just one more infusion... That's what I tell myself every time I feel like my bones want to crack.