I went to work today... running out of Leave time and I need to take my son to the Valley one day next week, so today I went tot work; however I did go check on her at lunch time. They just finished taking her off the ventilator when I showed up so she was awake and talking (quietly); her throat and chest were hurting her a bit from pulling out that tube. I was told that she did have a heart attack, but a small one and there was no significant damage to her heart this time. So we chatted for a little bit before I left to grab lunch and head back to work.
Medicare capped her and stopped paying for her meds for the rest of this year, so she got frustrated and quit taking ALL of her medications... blood thinner, blood pressure, insulin, EVERYTHING, and that is what triggered this go round (sigh). You can imagine how frustrated I am! What was she thinking! She could have died, or had a stroke, etc.... seriously, that was a R E A L L Y dumb decision on her part. I can understand her frustration but she still had some medications at home, so why didn't she keep taking those? UGH!
Love her, love her, love her, but she frustrates me... pay backs are a b#tch I suppose, but damn it, she needs to stop and think about the damage she is doing to her body every time she pulls this crap!
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label frustration. Show all posts
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Spiraling Downward
I am currently working on Step 11 out of 12 and I am determined to see this process through, even though I'm not sure if it was the right choice for me.
I began my downward spiral in July or August, and I can't shake it... about the time I began CoDA and now I'm seriously questioning if it has done more harm than good. I joined it to heal, but it has opened up old injuries and guilt and I find myself sinking lower while feeling totally alone and cut off from the world.
Counseling has never helped, but I'm considering buying some St. John's Wort. I hate feeling like this, and it frustrates me that after 4-5 years I have declined once again. Makes me want to bang my head against the wall... I am so frustrated and disgusted with myself.
I began my downward spiral in July or August, and I can't shake it... about the time I began CoDA and now I'm seriously questioning if it has done more harm than good. I joined it to heal, but it has opened up old injuries and guilt and I find myself sinking lower while feeling totally alone and cut off from the world.
Counseling has never helped, but I'm considering buying some St. John's Wort. I hate feeling like this, and it frustrates me that after 4-5 years I have declined once again. Makes me want to bang my head against the wall... I am so frustrated and disgusted with myself.
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