Dear Mom,

I sit here replaying your heartbreaking and final stay in the hospital like a broken recording, and thinking about the what if's, if only's, and why's., and remembering your smile, your crazy sense of humor, your tough intimidating exterior which disguised your sensitive interior, and soft heart. Everyone thought you were such a "tough cookie", "an amazing woman", "a strong lady", and "cool chick". Yes these are some of the things people are saying to me about you, as they smile with sad eyes, missing you. You never knew just how many people truly loved you, or how many lives you touched, how many people are grateful for having the pleasure of working with you. But I do Mom, for they have told me so. I have seen their tears, received their hugs, and have been touched by their sadness as they share their favorite memories with me. You never knew your worth, but I do... we all do. You will never be forgotten.

I sit here remembering the recent past. How upset you were when you fell and spilled your newly acquired bag of beloved pinon nuts that I had bought you, and that comical sad pouty face you made about the loss of those very nuts while your sat in the front seat of Deb's truck dabbing at the bleeding torn "onion" skin of you arm and elbow; our last dinner together at Red Lobster and watching you thoroughly enjoying your crab legs and making sounds of pleasure as you retrieved a large piece of crab meat from a particularly stubborn leg, and how we all laughed; your excitement when you showed me your latest treasure from a second hand store, antique store, or yard sale; how you would jokingly flip someone the bird, or the jokes you would tell but always messed up the punch line; how you would call me on the phone and sing me happy birthday, for trying like hell to call me by my chosen nickname, Reba, rather than my childhood nickname Becky.

Then there are the older memories of my adulthood, my teen years, and my childhood... so many memories all squished together, the good and the bad, the birthdays, the holidays, our family vacations, our fights, our friendship. I am so thankful for our friendship! Our heart to heart talks, shopping at the antique stores, admiring all the wares at local Arts & Craft shows, all the "Look at this, isn't it cute/pretty/neat. You can make this, Becky!" and the "I know honey; I love you baby" or the "I'm so proud of you, sweetheart"., and even the "Goddammit Rebecca Jane!"

I'm grateful for being blessed enough to have you as my Mom. I'm thankful for your unconditional love, your strength, your many hugs and kisses, your humor, your "Armer Pride", your strong sense of family, for all the support, forgiveness, your wisdom, and selflessness over the years, and for being such an awesome grandma aka Nanny to my boys, and your great-grandchildren. You really were the best, and I'm so damned proud to call you Mom.

How I miss you!

With all my love,
Becky (Reba)